Things I Learned from Carving Out My Car

Good morning, lovelies. This is The Megster, reporting from Seventh Generation headquarters in buried Burlington, Vt. where we received a record 21 inches of snow since last night - and it's still going.

In fact, that's a whiteout right thar.

Notice how I mentioned the office?

Yes. Die hards like me don't dilly dally at home in front of Oprah, especially when I'm off to sunny California for a week of back-breaking convention work.

No.

WE MAKE IT WORK.

Judge all you want - but I've got a sh*t ton of stuff to close up here before heading west and most of it is office-based.

Henceforth, a smattering of things I learned today while carving out my car.


Check Yourself Before You Wreck Yourself
It is most essential, regardless of accumulation, that you check the license plate of the car you're about to carve out of an igloo.

I'm sure your neighbors would appreciate the kind gesture, but if you don't know how to hot wire a car I suggest brushing off the plate for a little looky loo and then proceed once you've correctly identified your ride.

They all look the same under tremendous snow cover.

Heed the Signs
If you step outside your door to an unplowed sidewalk and trudge through knee-deep snow, perhaps the near future does not bode well. This would be a good time to re-evaluate your gloves.

You should also pay close attention to the retail signs when shopping for a shovel for the trunk.

Words to avoid:

"CHILD'S SNOW SHOVEL."

Unfortunately, I learned this one the hard way. A 12 inch snow shovel that's flimsier than a beach shovel in muddy sand will MAKE YOU WORK FOR IT.

(That took about 45 mins.)

(Don't) Love Thy Neighbor
I've ruminated a time or two about the (un)friendly Yankee disposition and I'm afraid this applies especially in a snow storm.

Two plow trucks came through my lot, even one guy was out hooking up the damn thing and talking to me, but heaven forbid he offer to help.

On a powder day such as this, it's EVERY MAN FOR HIMSELF.

Speaking of powdah, if I weren't getting the hell outta dodge for awhile, I'd totally play hooky on the slopes tomorrow.


Snow or Sweat?
Snow or sweat? Both are super wet. So let's play a game:

My hair was frozen solid. Snow or sweat? Tough call.

My gloves are soaked through. Snow or sweat? I'd say both.

My thighs are more frozen than the 6-month old chicken in my freezer. Snow or sweat? I'm going with snow on this one. Especially when the drift is up to my waist.

Should I go to the gym tonight? No, no, definitely not. THAT WAS TOTALLY SWEAT.


Red Means GO
It's amazing how quickly you learn your town based on heavy snow fall. You know all the hills and how to avoid them. Unfortunately, you can't avoid all inclines.

If you're approaching a stop sign or red light on a hill and there's no one in sight (and the news is telling you to stay off the roads) then for Heaven's sake KEEP GOING!!!

Inching backwards is not helpful.

But THANK YOU JEEZUS for good snow tires.

Next car? An SUV. I don't care about the carbon emmissions, or the lack of snow where one might settle, but i'm sick of wondering whether or not my car can handle it.

Good thing it hasn't disappointed me yet.


Soundtrack
There is really only one song appropriate for a snow-covered drive to work:
Dobie Gray and Drift Away.


Morals of the Story?
Take your time. Another inch or two will fall while you're carving out a car and I dare you to try and beat it.

If Aaron Ralston can saw his arm off with a pocketknife, you can dig your car our of three feet of snow.

Now get to work!


Happy snow day, y'all.
The Megster