One Big Awkward

I’m writing this on request of that wench over at Blogging Dangerously. She’s one of my favorite undercover-blogging-mothers-who-talks-about-things-other-than-chil’ren-but-loves-hers-just-the-same.

Such as enjoying the small things like wine, wirty dords, spousal shenanigans, family f*ckery and other funny nonsense. Basically, she’s one of the few that has her own kind of crazy (her words) to battle my own.

And by crazy, I don’t mean the psychiatric ward kind (though there’s nothing wrong with that, right Nurse Ratched?) I mean quirky, endearing and all around awesome.

So my girl, Kit – yes, we’ve tweeted a few times so we’re practically sisters (not that you or she would know because Twitter has a vendetta against me and discontinued all of my conversations. I’m on strike). And it’s kind of beside the point that she asked the Internet in general, not just me, but whatever.

So, anywitch.

Miss Kit wants to know:

1) Your most embarrassing moment.

2) If Hollywood made a movie about your life, who would play you?

I would answer number one in a heartbeat, but I kind of already do all the time. Every day is “one big awkward” and if you’ve ever read my little corner of the world, you’d quickly wonder WHAT THE HELL IS NEW and then move along from boredom or the very fact that my irreverence left you feeling a little dirty inside.

So we’ll go with number dos because I’ve got quite the list, don’t you know. In true Hollywood form, I will not respond with one person or role, rather the most bloody brilliant composite character you’ve ever seen.

And go:
· Renee Zellweger in “New In Town”
· Kristen Bell in “You Again”
· Cameron Diaz in “Any Given Sunday”
· Sandra Bullock in “The Blind Side”
· Kate Hudson in “Bride Wars”
· Toni Collette in “In Her Shoes”
· Minnie Driver in “Circle of Friends”
· Jessica Biel in “Valentine’s Day” (<-- that was hard to admit)

· Meryl Streep in “Out of Africa” (minus the syph.)

· Holly Hunter in “Broadcast News”

· Susan Sarandon in “Bull Durham”

· Keira Knightly in “Pride & Prejudice”

· Kate Winslet in “The Holiday”

· Selma Blair in “Purple Violets”

· Calista Flockhart in “Ally McBeal”

· Janine Turner in “Northern Exposure”

· Renee Zellweger in “Bridget Jones’ Diary”

· Annette Bening in “The American President”

· Audrey Toutou in “Amelie”

· Helena Bonham-Carter in “Fight Club”

And the piece de resistance...
· Joanna Lumley in “Absolutely Fabulous”

Among others I'm forgetting on the spot.

NO, I don’t think a lot of myself. If you’ve seen any or all of these you’d know some of these characters aren’t exactly sticky sweet. If you do know them, I’m sure you could draw a solid line of similarities to yours truly.

And the biopic would be called:

Chronicles of a Southern, Plain, Type-A, Sick but Sweet, Klutzy, Sassafrass, Phunny Phreak, Working Woman Who’s Ultimately Loveable and Trapped in New England

All I really need in life is a treadmill at my cubicle.

End scene.
~ The Megster